Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
