I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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