This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Welp...herpes.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
