doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
