My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm bleeding and have questions
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
