S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
