So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
