Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
