Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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