Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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