Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
