At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
