my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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