why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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