there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
