Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
