what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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