It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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