We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
