If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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