umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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