I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You ate ashes out of my bong
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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