Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I intend to get homeless drunk
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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