Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
