i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
