Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
