So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
