I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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