he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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