I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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