Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
