you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
