Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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