I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
