i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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