I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
