I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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