i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
