I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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