she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
