So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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