Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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