You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
