i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
