I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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