I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
