and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
