Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
