I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm at about main and main street
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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