Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
