Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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