k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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