omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
