I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
