Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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