I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I enjoy the company of your penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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