Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
