Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
