Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
