I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
