I'm going to rape someone's good day.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize