i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So many bounce houses so little time
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
that is very illegal...i love you.
God, I missed his penis.
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