Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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