I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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