just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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