so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
