i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
