did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
