the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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