you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
