Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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