he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
