So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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