Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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