it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
