Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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