Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
